The finality of ot all
Happy Valentine's to those of you who acknowledge the day. So far I've spent mine sleeping in, unwillingly (apparently I hit snooze for about 2 hours this morning); puttering around the apartment...mostly on line; making a quick stop at the pharmacy and a few minutes at Borders before watching Ross get ready for work. And right now, I have the urge to break out the water colors, but I have absolutely not idea what to paint.
Last night, Ross and I finally ordered the plane tickets home. Between my tax return and his upcoming bonus, we've got the cash on hand to cover it. And why put off the inevitable. And then it hit me. Hard. Purchasing those tickets means we are in fact leaving Hawaii. It's the right choice, for many reasons. But the immediate reaction is the same...I'm moving again. I'm leaving a stable job with benefits in a time when the economy is tanking. I have no job lined up as of August 8th.
I hate this feeling. This unsettled and unknown. With student debt still breathing down my back, a move and a wedding, now's a rough time to be taking a pay cut for three months and then facing unemployment.
Thankfully, Ross will be at my side and family oh so much closer. That is the motivating factor after all....the need to be closer to family.
But I've been itching to settle down for a while now. Every few years I've up and gone somewhere else. Two years in Illinois. Three in Texas. I had a long stretch in Milwaukee before starting college. Eleven years, that. But even there...a few months with the grandparents, two years in a townhouse. And finally a home. But even there...my sister moved out after a few years, heading for college. I did the same not too long after. In Stevens Point for four years...in three different living situations. And then off to New Jersey for three years. And out here for almost two now. And all of the later moving around was dotted with three month spurts at various summer gigs: Appleton WI, Mt Carroll IL, Spring Green WI, Stockbridge MA. I'm sick of living out of boxes and letting my other possessions spread out across the country...a few boxes with my dad, some with mom. I'm certain I have stuff with my sister and a few friends as well.
I'm a vagabond. A gypsy. I don't like it. Hopefully come October, after the hustle and bustle of the wedding, Ross and I can throw a dart at the map and pick a city to set up shop. If a job offer hasn't lured us to a particular locale yet. I'm still waiting to hear back about the possibility in Milwaukee.
But in retrospect, I always panic at the imminent changes. And I always weather it. Usually unscathed. Everything will be alright. I just need a moment to freak out. And a few days to let the fact that plane tickets were purchased sink in.
For those of you counting...you have 10 and a half weeks to visit.
Last night, Ross and I finally ordered the plane tickets home. Between my tax return and his upcoming bonus, we've got the cash on hand to cover it. And why put off the inevitable. And then it hit me. Hard. Purchasing those tickets means we are in fact leaving Hawaii. It's the right choice, for many reasons. But the immediate reaction is the same...I'm moving again. I'm leaving a stable job with benefits in a time when the economy is tanking. I have no job lined up as of August 8th.
I hate this feeling. This unsettled and unknown. With student debt still breathing down my back, a move and a wedding, now's a rough time to be taking a pay cut for three months and then facing unemployment.
Thankfully, Ross will be at my side and family oh so much closer. That is the motivating factor after all....the need to be closer to family.
But I've been itching to settle down for a while now. Every few years I've up and gone somewhere else. Two years in Illinois. Three in Texas. I had a long stretch in Milwaukee before starting college. Eleven years, that. But even there...a few months with the grandparents, two years in a townhouse. And finally a home. But even there...my sister moved out after a few years, heading for college. I did the same not too long after. In Stevens Point for four years...in three different living situations. And then off to New Jersey for three years. And out here for almost two now. And all of the later moving around was dotted with three month spurts at various summer gigs: Appleton WI, Mt Carroll IL, Spring Green WI, Stockbridge MA. I'm sick of living out of boxes and letting my other possessions spread out across the country...a few boxes with my dad, some with mom. I'm certain I have stuff with my sister and a few friends as well.
I'm a vagabond. A gypsy. I don't like it. Hopefully come October, after the hustle and bustle of the wedding, Ross and I can throw a dart at the map and pick a city to set up shop. If a job offer hasn't lured us to a particular locale yet. I'm still waiting to hear back about the possibility in Milwaukee.
But in retrospect, I always panic at the imminent changes. And I always weather it. Usually unscathed. Everything will be alright. I just need a moment to freak out. And a few days to let the fact that plane tickets were purchased sink in.
For those of you counting...you have 10 and a half weeks to visit.
posted by Unknown at
9:19 PM
2 Comments:
Moving is a very daunting and stressful task. However, after this move and the wedding, we will find a place and we will settle down. You will get your house and your puppy and everything else that comes with it. I can promise that I will do whatever it takes to get this done.
Sam- I hear you on the vagabond thing. I think that's why I'm hanging on to Atlanta. Its the first place for me that seems to offer a chance to find a more permanent situation even if it involves trying to find work. I understand the whole oh shit I'm moving again reaction. But it sounds like you are making the right move. Good luck and traveling mercies.
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