Clusters of Clutter of the Holidays

Motivation and creativity comes in chaotic little clusters recently. Usually forced by deadlines. And in between lie lulls of inactivity, procrastiantions and sometimes just the need to be. House hold work follows through on much the same vein. Either it's completely ignored or pushed aside during a bout of creative motivation or during the even rarer shared day off when Ross and I head out to do something. And suddenly in a whirlwind of enthusiasm the dishes are done, all recyeables gone, laundry clean, linens changed, floors vaccumed...

Maybe I've always functioned this way...hyper-active bursts of accomplishment followed by long lulls of just being.

Lately I've more of a mind toward cooking and baking than to drawing and painting. I have final designs due tomorrow for Grandmother's Tschotski's. I didn't finish the final sketches until Friday. Emailed them to the director, from whom I've heard nary a peep lest I ask a question first. I had every intention of spending the full day painting them. Getting started is always the hard part, but once I begin, the creative task consumes me and calms me. I could paint for hours. But the lull set in early.

As well as the unusual, nay absurd thought...of lowering my standards.

The director seems content with what I've shown so far. In fact he and the artistic director are probably already surprised I bothered to sketch nearly every different look within the play, when most are either small and self-explanitory (a nun or a postman with in a 20 second scene); or well, really not that important in the gradn scheme of this little 60 minute show. I'm already stressing out about the show. And as a result, and for a change, I find myself holding back. Not creatively. But do they really need to see the sketches in color? Why? To impress those already impressed? I expend my energy elsewhere...like getting the actual costumes done.

The holidays provided another outlet for the bursts of clutter and, well cooking. Thanksgiving was just the two of us with enough food for at least 6. Turkey, mashed potatoes, green bean cassorle, dressing, cranberry sauce. So many more sides begged to be made, but they would have gone largely to waste on a small party of two. We gorged. We watched movies. We gorged again. A few calls from family. It was a good first Thanksgiving. And the last day I was to really see Ross...Black Friday loomed and threatened to eat my husband, soul and all, only to be spat back worn but content, after Christmas.

Work started up again. The designer's designs still absent despite her deadline coming and going three weeks earlier. With nothing to do I cleaned. Cleaned and sorted boxes that hadn't been touched in years. Clutter everywhere. Clusters of who knows what from shows long ago paraded across the stage. Dust, grim, dirt. A week and a half of getting intimate with my stock.

Then into 2 compressed work weeks to compensate for Christmas and New Years being on a weekday. 40 hours crammed into 4 days, still with little to do. The odd ball task trickled in. I tried to drag them out as long as possible. Not long enough. I left when the sun barely hinted in the sky. And heading home long after it dipped below in the west.

Christmas came and went. A guest over to share our modest feast and play games. Then another lull followed by another burst.

A bit more to do at work, followed by thumb twiddling as I finished it. Still no designs...which quite honestly is fueling my lack of color on the renderings as much as anything. At least my designs are there, on paper. And I have only myself to complete the show...not a full shop of union-ized labor twiddling thumbs and waiting...

Ah well. Today is truly a day off. I will enjoy it. Work aside. Book in hand. Coffee nearby.