What am I doing?

I skip between productivity and lethargy. Boredom and excitement. A need to be around people and a desire to be left alone. Mostly I'm noticing a lack of connection with anyone here. A longing for certain specific people. Thoughts that I should leave certain things behind to be closer to others. I find myself more open and flirtatious when I'm out But find it's to fill a void and it leaves me even emptier. When someone else seems interested in friendship, companionship, what have you, I'm no longer interested. And on top of it I feel guilty. Thoughts of infidelity. And an overwhelming loneliness.

I should really try to get to bed before 1am. I find I'm most melancholy during these evening hours.