Refresh and rejuvenate

Birthdays are a tricky thing to celebrate. Particularly when in a new setting without your established network of friends and family around. But several of us have begin to form a very close knit family and support group at work. Four of us gathered over margaritas, enchiladas and smoke readings to celebrate my co-workers 27th.

We had hoped for a slightly larger gathering, but roommates and other close friends were unable to make it--in the birthday girl's case, unfortunately, her roommates are a little flighty and forgot about our plans.

But the small group suited the day well. And the female-centric mentality was refreshing.

Palolo Valley is amazing...overlooking the touristy Waikiki and Diamondhead. Surrounded by sprawling mountain ridges on all sides. The clouds literally creep downward from the mountains into the valley with clear blue skies above. And the ever present rainbows caressing the ridge. Flowers and fruit erupt from every yard, filling the valley with an intoxicatingly sweet smell. Carried on a soothing breeze. No wonder our coworker advocated so strongly to host the dinner. Her location provides the perfect environment to reflect and unwind.

Over dinner preparations (the enchiladas of course) the matriarch of our group offered her wisdom and refreshing insight. She had a fabulous idea of a gift to give. Pity we hadn't been more prepared...

For every year of life, be that 25, 30 or 40...gathered among friends, family and those dear...list off an attribute, a skill, a quality...something revered, admired or respected within the celebrant. One for every year. Going around the group. It is a very self-conscious experience. It makes the celebrant incredibly vulnerable...to hear what others see in them...humbling. But it creates such a sense of pride in self and invigorates at the same time. The entire exercise should be recorded, documented somehow, for the birthday person...for them to treasure and reflect on later...a pick-me-up on tough days...an esteem boost when self assurance falters.

And some of it was goofy...a bit off the wall. But that was mostly due to our initial hesitancy. It's tough to lay a person bare like that. It's even harder sometimes to accept the compliment. But it offered a great start to my co-worker's 27th year.

And it's a great idea to keep in the back of my head for the upcoming birthdays of December...January...February...and March. A little warmth for the colder months (not that I'll run into much of that here)

As par usual, this bonding occured over the prepartion and devouring of food. The bitch session about work dissolved over the food...it's tough to be bitter and well fed at the same time. And the magaritas of course lightened the entire mood.

After gorging ourselves, our matriarch offered smoke readings (don't fear...this is not the beginning of a cult...over the last few weeks the four of us have developed quite a kinship. And in her wisdom, age and experiences, this particular woman has emerged as a very maternal leader)

I place no faith in such readings...tarot, palms, smoke and so forth...as any sort of indication of my life's path...past, present or future. I do believe strongly that all things happen for a reason, and at times hope for divine intervention. But free will, choice and the accountiblity of my own actions have a higher value than what the supposed fates do to toy with my life.

But the readings themselves are very interesting...and moving. The premise is that the energy of the person registers on a note card held above a flame...the paper catches a carbon pattern of the smoke from the candle. In a way it's a lot like a Rorschach. Based on our experiences and our perception, we read into the images that emerge from the smoke. It is very much a self-fulfilling prophesy...we ultimately see what we want. What is fascinating is to hear what other people perceive in another's pattern.

And they are quite beautiful. They reminded me of gesture drawings in the life drawing classes. Particularly when the artist would loosen up and abandon the pencil for a more fluid and less forgiving media...ink and brush. Like any art, it has a movement within it. A fluidity. And a story.

The smoke print can be read from any side...but one view usually stands out as more prominent...just like rotating an abstract piece of art until you discover the strength in the painting. The immediate response to mine was the maternal quality...the embryonic form in the center...surrounded. Overall it has a very feminine form...female recline, neck exposed. Given my hesitancy towards children...not likely a literal gestation, but the more figurative and creative one. And a process very much ingrained in me. As if my creativity springs from myself, my experience, from within (well duh...)

But animal forms apparently resonate strongly with this form of reading. Mine...a turtle...again neck outstretched. Turtles are very sacred in Hawaii, so I was told. Most present seemed to think that this was a sign of me being stretched...pulled by an outside force. I'm more inclined to think it is a self imposed vulnerability...exposed of my own volition. Putting my neck on the line as it were. That and I am very well aware of a personal sensitivity around my throat. One reason I wore a dog collar for three years. Besides the fact that it scared people...

Appetites sated and minds stimulated, we strolled through Palolo valley in the twilight, the darkening sky throwing the mountain ridges into sharp, black focus. Waikiki was completely lit up...the sparkling star of tourism that it is. Dogs barked at us from almost every yard. An hour long loop. Then back to the house to top off drinks and plan our departures.

And the end of the evening found me longing for my female harpies...and an overwhelming desire to crack open a gift given years ago. If this evening wasn't the embodiment of female bonding and philogyny...

Thank you.