Productive?

When I was first told that as a seasonal employee I would be subject to periodic layoffs varying from one to six weeks (dependent on the production needs of the theatre's season) I was actually very excited. Not about the lack of pay check during said layoffs, but about the prospect of down time for personal or outside projects.

Well, several such layoffs have come and gone and I bemoan each one as often wasted time.

And yes, I've heard it before: relish the time to do nothing, we all need to relax, you don't need to be busy all the time...

That is all well and good. And I fully embrace the joy of lounging around and catching up on much needed reading time.

However, I WANT to be productive. I love making things, playing with things, generally keeping busy. My longest stretches of positive energy often coincide with being completely and utterly slammed with projects at work. My mind and fingers stay active...the challenges excite me.

Only I'm stymied on how to replicate that at home.

It's certainly not for a lack of projects. Piles of fabrics remain stacked in the closet, many already earmarked for specific garments. Drawers full of millinery and jewelry supplies are over flowing. Binders and digital files are brimming with snap shots of inspirations. There are lists of activities I long to try from batiking and shibori to belly dancing and poi twirling. I have the means...only every time a layoff creeps upon me, all motivation wanes.

I often blame the general disarray of our apartment. In a one bedroom, there really is no place for me to set up a work area. I have discovered I am most engaged when I can jump from one project to another...having multiple going at once. But I have little space to set up ONE project let alone many. Each attempt at working at home must first be met with the challenge of cleaning off a work surface, dragging out all of my equipment, rearranging the atrocious lighting situation of our apartment and then tucking in.

As my work space doubles as our kitchen table AND living room, what I start, I usually have to finish...or else pack it all up in hopes of finding the motivation another day to not only start up the project again...but clean and set up a workspace before hand.

We have no means for me to rent a studio. And I really have no desire to drag personal projects to work on a day off (aside from the theatre now scrutinizing more outside projects as someone, without authorization, used our shop and left an expensive industrial machine out of commission and the shop in general disarray).

It's frustrating. So instead of toying with new dye techniques or finally making that dress that's been sitting there for months...or even hemming that pair of pants hanging in closet, I lounge around in pjs, fritter away time on the computer or read myself into a coma.

To some, that may sound like a dream. But to me, two or three days of such laziness may suffice, but beyond that is too much. I stagnant, I fret, I sink into a depression longing to get busy again, only to find myself defeated upon looking at the pile of crap accumulated on the table.

So back to the book, back to the computer...

back to that depressing sense of lethargy....