Insomnia, wine and chocolate

I thought grad school would be the end of the insomnia. Nothing typically stressful keeps me up at night, thought I find when I lay down, no matter how tired, I still struggle to fall asleep. Mild bouts of depression, fear of the move, the unsettled nature of shifting relationships...no drama. Life offering more than I could have hoped for and I am incredibly happy, though lonely. Fearful of making too close of any friendships...not wanting to say goodbye again. Distance is such a hard thing to fight. One week before I leave in August is not nearly as much time as I wish to give everyone.

I finally saw Glass Menagerie tonight. A good show, though I doubt there will be any that I don't enjoy on some level. It's refreshing to see this level of professionalism and skill without the money and commercialize one sees on Broadway. I hesitate in giving a fuller review of the show...work oriented postings have recently gotten people fired. I've yet to hear of a theatre person being fired for a poor critique of a show they've worked on. Nonetheless, this is a bit too public a forum for me to thoroughly mouth my opinions of casting choices, accents and mannerisms that hindered an otherwise excellent play. Though I am relieved to find the opinions I had of the show were shared by several others.

But I ramble, because it is late. And I cannot sleep. What better way to clear your head then to rant online...typing out thoughts that are otherwise bouncing around in one head causing a disturbance. Perhaps after I finish this glass of wine, sleep will embrace me.

The build to release

Today's weather seems the perfect metaphor for the general cycles of my life. A build up, followed by a release. Today the heat and humidity was stifling. I managed to spend most of the day in air conditioning, but find that the artificial cold is often too cold and something about cycled air leaves me with headaches. Regardless, I managed to escape the heat of the day. And later, after the slow build in temperature...the gradual increase of humidity...a rising pressure...the clouds gathered and split. Rain with little pomp and circumstance. Release without the production.

Things build up...lack of sleep, piles of work, dirty laundry, stress and the like. Then a goal is achieved, the pressure slackens. You move on. Little breakdowns. Little victories. While I appreciate the lack of drama and the mundane-ness of these cycles...I'm gearing up for a larger release. Something more satisfying. Emotional, spiritual, what have you...I don't know what that release will be, but I feel a bit sedentary at the moment. Perhaps it is the lack of nicotine talking...five days without now. I will break this habit again.

Cinderella opened. Another show. A good one, though I found it amusing that the staff responded more than the children did. I'm happy, though not content with my work. I rarely am. It served its purpose well. There are several things I'd like to fine tune. But now I can return to the focus of draping. I have two 1830's dresses to drape tomorrow. Not the fancy Romantic variety...more of the frontier. But three long days of tech and notes on top of my shop hours has left me spent.

I may head off to bed at an early 9pm.

Opening nights

This week will prove to be a long one. Today was the first tech for the children's show. Cinderella is playing at the Berkshire Museum, which is about a 20-30 minute drive. This of course makes notes a little bit of a pain in the ass as we have to haul the stuff back to the shop. We were lucky in a way today. We had to be out of the museum by 12:30, which allowed the shops several hours to work on any notes. Unfortunately that also means that we didn't make it very far into the show...maybe a quarter of the way through. We have seen most of the costumes. However, the later half of the show is the half with the worst quick changes. In and out of the ball.

Tomorrow's schedule, including the evening company picnic will make it very difficult to do any major changes. The director may have to live with what she gets. I wish I could own this production a little more. But I've felt detached and uninspired for the entire process. Communication has been weak. Time frame tight. But he kids will enjoy it. It does look good. Part of me is now really thrilled that I'll be working in a situation devoted entirely to children's theatre instead of making it this extra tagged onto a company's main season. Another part of me is looking forward to draping again once Cinderella's up and running.

But it hasn't been all work. Love Valour Compassion opened the season this past Friday. It has been a long time since I've seen such a solid piece of theatre, dropped lines and minced phrases aside. I hope to make it back later in the run.

Following every opening for the mainstage is a reception, and later a party in the paint shop. Themed of course. What good theatre party isn't? The theme started as beach party (LVC has a lot of skinny dipping). I believe it eventually shifted to travels. Given my new found employment I thought it appropriate I dress as a hula dancer. And dance I did. Three days later my calves are still in knots. And for once I found myself on the other side of the camera.

It's offical

I was just offered a job at a theatre in Honolulu. I will be heading to the Pacific Islands late August. I'll be more than happy to accommodate visitors as much as I am able. And rest assured I will take at least a week before I leave to touch base with friends and family in the WI/IL area.

Since I've never moved so far (i.e. across an ocean) for such a long period of time (9 mos minimum) I'd love any tidbits of advice from the world travels out there. I can think of at least five who regularly read this blog that may be able to help.

Aloha!

Stage Managers, Take Note

When you are the stage manager for a production that requires you to be the middle man for scheduling things such as fittings, you damn well better be on top of your email. At least acknowledge that you received the fitting request from the costumer and let them know they will work something out with the director.

The kids show loads into the space on Saturday. I requested fittings three days ago. Never a word from the stage manager. And I know that she checks her email...she continues to email vague rehearsal reports. But I'm not the only one frustrated. The scenic designer is too. It may be time to call in the assistant production manager, and potentially the big man himself.

Or the cast could just go on with no clothes...

Family dinners and days off

It only seems fitting that a food oriented post in Norman Rockwell's
territory be graced with one of his images.

Food has always had the power to bring groups together. I've bonded more with people over meals than I have at any other opportunity. A few weeks back I posted a few pictures of our amazing kitchen setup. Those of us living in the house are now using that to its full advantage.

My first week here, the paint charge mentioned she was having a few people over for a simple fair. Maybe six people came. I had already eaten, but socialized while the others were here.

The next week--her mom's chicken recipe. She had invited a few more from her shop. The older folk needing a reprieve from their underlings. As her housemates, the shop supervisor, her husband and I were invited as well. Maybe 8 people total. We followed that up with a charade like game.

The next week our number increased to about 10, with a more elaborate pasta dish and wine.

And this past week: chicken enchiladas, home made guacamole...fancier yet. And more people. We now totaled close to 16 and found the need to organize. So the menu is already planned for next week. A small collection was taken up to ease the burden on the next cook's pocketbook. And next week we will have yet another casual food centric gathering.

It reminds of family dinners in Point. The five of us in the house settling down to a large dinner with our assorted visitors--usually two male and one extra female if memory serves right. Bar-b-ques on the front lawn. Early thanksgiving dinners. Smiles, jokes, stresses and stories shared. To break up into groups, Lord of the Rings in the background, a model being built in the dining room, makeup practiced in the living room...

Even going out for lunch is an excuse to catch up and socialize. Greta and I met today on our day off. Pity it's taken this long as she lives and works literally right down the road (albeit about a 10 minute drive). We had no plans, other than lunch. Our "lunch" ended up being close to four hours (though errands were done during that time).

Food the great equalizer. Powerful. Memories. Bringing people together. So visceral. Embracing all of the senses...taste, sound, smell, touch, sight. Colors of chopped vegetables. Soft strains of conversation. Aroma of simmering spices. Clinking of glasses and plates. Textures of counters, silverware, warm bread ripped apart by fingers. A sense of security and a recall of home. Combined flavors on the tongue...different textures, spices, temperatures. All mingling. A melting pot of people and food.

No wonder we're so content after a good meal. It's not just the physical body that a meal sustains.

No Goodman

So a no go at the Goodman theatre. I received notice today that the position has been filled. And the other Chicago theatre cannot work around my contact dates at BTF.

But after having a phone interview with the most recent prospect, I'm not as concerned. And thinking about sun and white sand beaches. I'm in the running...and they'll let me know by the end of June.

But I must now return to tutus and 80's rock.

Puppy?

Cryptic comments, but I think I understand the gist of it. No puppies in the future if the most recent job comes through. Chicago continues to tease. I've heard back from both full time positions I applied for; however both are looking for someone to start late July. I'm not sure how negotiable my contract is here. The last mainstage show is the big period one of the season. More likely than not they'll want to keep on as many people as possible and I'll have to stick out my contract to the end.

But to make up for yesterday's lack of fluff:
Those boys are going to be stunning.

Tutus Galore

Pity I didn't take any pictures of our completed tutus. We are in the process of final fittings for the next show. The big project was six Swan Lake tutus for the men. In addition I had a night shirt, robe, pj set and a few pairs of pj pants. To date, the robe and night shirt has been cut (as in removed from the show). Both of these only needed the hems finished. Two purchased items that had extensive alterations (which were already done before today's fitting) were cut from the show too. C'est la vie. I still get paid for the hours put in. They look beautiful nonetheless and I am very tempted to finish the robe anyway and buy it from the shop. I have a bad reputation when it comes to robes...they never seem to last that long...

Very exciting news on the job front, though I hesitate in saying anything more than there is exciting news until after my phone interview later this week. Sending a resume to this particular job was a spur of the moment sort of thing. Never would have thought....

The girls continue to be girls. We had a brief meeting this afternoon about appropriate work attire. Not like the scene shop: closed toed shoes, hair tied back and the like. No. This was a "don't wear your bikini tops to work, this isn't a summer camp" sort of talk. I'm surprised there were no accidents in the scene shop today with those three young'ens wandering around like that. I stand by my earlier statement that 4 years is a big different with this age group.

I should be finishing up the designs for Cinderella. Since we tech in 12 days and all. But insomnia will carry me through the evening and that grad school resolve will keep me awake during fitting and meetings tomorrow.

Melancholy comes and goes. Now mostly because I miss people.

Long weeks ahead?

I fear the slow pace and minimal work load may come back to bite us in the end. Everything has been moving along smoothly, with little distraction. However, we find ourselves twiddling our thumbs between bouts of sewing and cleaning. The girls are becoming lax. As we head into tech this weekend, we may see the end of our lengthy weekends.

I knew this would be a light season coming in, but I also hoped for a little more work up front. Maybe Cathy's right. Maybe I'm just faster than I think I am. After Love!Valour!Compassion! we jump into tech for Cinderella--the children's show that was bestowed upon me. I should be little more concerned about the show. Perhaps working on it in my downtime. The truth is I have little motivation to design at the moment. I'd much rather be draping something at the moment. Mostly I am not fond of all of the hoops I find I must jump through for a kid's show: director, playwright, stage manager, shop supervisor, production manager, his assistant...

Of course it helps that the director does not check (or at least reply to) emails, that my cell does not work or that the stage manager does not have a car and thus the burden to deliver rehearsal items falls to the shop. But a healthy budget for a kid's show...unfortunately with a shop supervisor who wishes to micromanage and be responsible for all of the purchases/shopping. This is a taste of a larger production. The need to delegate. I think I prefer designing for smaller shows. But this IS a small show....

I continue to socialize with those here...though socializing typically involves heavy drinking on an almost nightly basis. Family dinners of sorts on Saturday nights. Bowling on Thursdays. What I really miss is darts at the Shed. For some reason I connected with those at APT much better than those here. Perhaps the age gap is much more severe than I thought. I do find, in the shop at least, I hesitated too long before steeping up. I waited to follow the other drapers lead, when I am equally, if not more qualified. Our shop supervisor's husband did point out yesterday that I am the one with the superior degree, regardless of her being Yale bound or having worked at the festival before.

Overall I've been suffering from a sense of vulnerability. This is the first time in my 25 years I do not know where I am heading in August. I have no job lined up, no housing (though plenty of people who've offered). I'm homesick, scared and lonely. And having trouble rediscovering the strength inside that has brought me this far. I have one job offer that will carry through a good hunk of the year, but I am at a stage where I'd like to settle for a while. establish roots somewhere...freelance and travel from that point. I have no foundation. I see several harbors, but am uncertain at which to dock. And if this rain continues, the waters will be rough as well (I'm not joking about the rain--downpours right now...)

What am I doing?

I skip between productivity and lethargy. Boredom and excitement. A need to be around people and a desire to be left alone. Mostly I'm noticing a lack of connection with anyone here. A longing for certain specific people. Thoughts that I should leave certain things behind to be closer to others. I find myself more open and flirtatious when I'm out But find it's to fill a void and it leaves me even emptier. When someone else seems interested in friendship, companionship, what have you, I'm no longer interested. And on top of it I feel guilty. Thoughts of infidelity. And an overwhelming loneliness.

I should really try to get to bed before 1am. I find I'm most melancholy during these evening hours.

Html and Curry

Web pages and coding are fascinating. My tinkering with such has led to an addition on the sidebar. The addition of course is influenced by my sister who keeps a similar list. I'm sure my coding is lengthier and more convoluted...like a student new to any foreign language...lacking the slang and shortcuts.

I have a feeling System of the World will be listed for quite a while...it's been a book in process since last August. I hope to continue on, but at the moment I feel a bit too detached. I may start the Baroque Cycle Trilogy again from scratch, but at about 800 pages a pop, that's a commitment.

Coding and eating left over vegetable curry for dinner while trying to decide whether to be social tonight or take it easy. Yesterday provided an overload of estrogen. Ten 20-something girls watching (and singing along) to Newsies. I didn't stay for the sleep over, though I was told it shifted to a rowdy game of Apples to Apples. If only I could find a copy of Cineplexity out here....

Day Off

What does one do with a rainy day off? Walk into town and purchase a new book at the locate bookstore. Buy a coffee at the locale coffeehouse. Sit at home and read for a while and then walk up the hill to where I have cell phone reception to talk to a close friend or two.

And laundry.

Should I become more motivated this evening I may yet send out a few more resumes...another salaried position in Chicago which I don't feel quite qualified for, yet others keep encouraging me to go for. One to a well established theatre in New Haven. Another to a ballet company in New Brunswick of all places. I become more and more curious as to where I may end up in August.